Piecesofmypeace.org

some days are easier than others, when I am busy I don’t have time to think about missing my baby boy, I call him daily at times 2 times he never can talk long bc he doesn’t want to talk in front of his dad! Conversations are quick. I go back to a Mondaine day trying to ignore the fact he is not here and counting down days till I see him again.

I try to act happy when I talk to him not letting my voice shake not mentioning how sad he sounds, which makes me even more sad! I ask “how’s your day”, “what are you doing” he says his” Diddy plans on taking him to do something” “I say to have fun!”and let him go carry on with his usual playing video games or watching you tube all alone in the hopes his dad really takes him to do something active, because I have heard that before then the weekend passes and I ask J what he did and the usual reply is played alot of fortnite.

“Diddy” let’s get that cleared up that is what he calls his father, confused?? Diddy meaning the person known as sean combs for his recent pedophile ways and using baby oil to drug people to hurt them. Not saying that his what his dad does but the fact that johnny correlates his father with someone so nasty and that is capable of harming a person is spot on and didn’t come from my influence.

Johnny has never liked his dad he never had a good close father son relationship with his dad he chose to be around me more he never would go alone with his dad even to his grandma’s I always had to go too. Kids have a sense about people maybe not as young as johnny started not trusting his dad but kids always see the truth! His dad also had called my older 3 kids dad and my new fiance a pedophile right to Johnny long before the recent events of my first exes arrest. If you don’t know about that we will cover that another day.

so for today I carry on planning fun stuff to do with him when I have him next so he gets activity and world experience outside of the dreary depressing days he has of playing on the TV for hrs, the courts thought this is better and more beneficial for him because his whole family is in Ohio and his only stable parent and parent who makes sure he does more for his health and emotional well being than sit in front of the TV as a babysitter is better! Never-ending he only sees the grandma when she has to babysit and he only sees his cousins that live down the st from him on special holidays not even all of them just their birthdays and Christmas, yes 3 times maybe a yr. In the words of my horrible lawyer ” HIS whole family is in Ohio and you are the only one in Tennessee!” Makes no sense because he would see family and friends only through me and would still see family more while being in Tennessee than he does own being in Ohio, I didn’t even get to say that to the judge, I didn’t get to say his dad doesn’t let him go to friends from school bday parties or just for play dates. That was all me.

who suffers more? Selfishly I want to say me because I have never been away from any of my kids this long while they were growing and needing me, but I know in reality it’s him and it tears me apart, I hope that one day he knows I love him and I will help repair him as long as it takes.